Thursday, May 4, 2017

divorce and being a single mom

we hiked the most amazing trail to 'hanging lake' in Colorado, hard but wow the views at the top were worth it

I have been a single mom for 5 years now, it's been a scary yet fulfilling journey to date. I filed for divorce 5 years ago, after being married for 6 years. I won't go into details of the 'why' of it all, just know my heart couldn't take anymore and my mind had become numb. Through this all, I have come to realize so many things like: what it takes to find yourself again, how to be comfortable in your skin without anyone else, how to make it financially {or in my case how our lives are constantly changing due to trying to stay afloat}, how to have dinner alone, how to sleep alone, how not have that intimacy and how to do all things for years and years...

I'm not sure if I jinxed myself, but during the divorce I told my x-husband I wouldn't get into another relationship, that this one had done me in. It's been 5 years and this still holds true, I pray for my partner but he still has not arrived. Maybe one day.

My son was 5 at the time when the separation started, he was such a sweetheart and so understanding. Never questioning just listening to my voice and explaining things in a way he could understand. I hired a mediator and within 1 month all papers were filed and I was single again. I have full custody of my amazing son, with his father having visitation rights three days a week. I wanted a clear split, I took nothing but my belongings, leaving the house and everything I knew behind. My son and I lived in a one bedroom 1 bath 700 sq. ft. apartment for the first year of this transition. This entire year was about healing for me and coming to terms with what just happened. I joined a church and enrolled myself in a class for divorced women, we would all share what we wanted and gain scriptures and prayers for strength. At this time I also purchased a bike, this was a huge feeling of freedom for me and just what I needed to get my mind of things. I slept on the couch and gave the one room to my son. A year goes by and we are making it, so much that I'm positive we can afford to upgrade our living situation.


The second year of being single, we start renting a condo with two bedrooms in a amazing location with a great school. Its everything we were looking for, this stays true for another year then I receive a letter from the owner letting me know I have to move she wants to sell the condo. I buy the condo and we live our lives here for 2 more addition years.

Present day. I'm now single for 5 years, not one single date.....and I'm OK with it. You know what I have in my household? PEACE. Unity, freedom, to make my own decisions and become a better me a better mom. To know who I am as a person, to test my limits. Emotionally I am set, but the road is never a easy one. I have no family here in Colorado, none. No support. If I'm sick, I suck it up, things have to get done. If I have a procedure done and in pain, suck it up no one else is there to help my child get his things done. It's HARD not having the love and support of a significant other, you have to learn to do literally everything on your own. No room for fear anymore. You get done what needs to be done, no matter the cost to you.





These photos were from our first trip across state up in the mountains to a hot spring, we stayed off the grid and slept in a train. It was such a amazing trip and empowering to know we can do it just the two of us!

I'm not making it anymore financially, my business has taken a hard hit the last two years. So much that we are now moving again. Not even down the road, but out of state to somewhere else I can better afford the costs of living. So we are moving, the house is on the market. We will sell and move next month. My son is in tears on most days, with realizing he will loose all his friends and all the familiar things he has come to knows over the years. We are up-rooting again. Can't seem to plant my roots in deep enough, the struggle is real. We are moving closer to family, luckily my condo is selling for high and I plan on using that money to pay off a home in Michigan and have no mortgage, to live mortgage free and not have that worry anymore. I'll be near my family, my mom and dad for the first time in 11 years. Downside? I'm taking my son further away from his dad, no more visiting three days a week. My sons dad is a good dad and responsible, so my son is having a hard time emotionally with moving away from his dad. His dad agrees with my decision, but will miss his son deeply.

All these emotions, challenges, I face every single day. Always adapting to changes and trying to find new ways to make it and provide the best I can for my son. This is my life and what I'm currently going through. Would I have changed anything if I would have known all the challenges and struggles that I would have to face? No. I would change nothing. I have gained independence and peace and that's all I ever wanted.

I learned how to live and get out and have fun! My son and I are always traveling to new destinations for hikes and camping. 






We joined a garden the first two years with just us and now we do it every year, we love it

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